Fighting Back Dreams
by Scath Rocco Meoi
Summary: Three days had passed with him sitting on that hard wooden chair, but he wasn't complaining, especially not now that light blue eyes were finally opening. He hadn't seen those eyes in a long time... he hoped they wouldn't uncover his secrets. HeeroXQuatre


**A.N.: **A friend of mine asked for a canonical (now doesn't that sound religious? XD) or at least anime back grounded 1X4 fic. Since practicing is always good… I came up with this kind of a little psychological drama. Hope you'll like it!

_**Fighting Back Dreams**_

The only sound in the room was the constant beeping of the ECG, it was a sound he knew well from the many times he had been hospitalized. This time, though, it wasn't he who was in the cold white bed. He watched as a single sun ray sneaked through the lightly open curtains illuminating the room just enough for him to be able to see. Three days had passed with him sitting on that hard wooden chair, but he wasn't complaining, especially not now that light blue eyes were finally opening.

They wandered around the room taking in the details of the simple hospital bedroom, the TV attached to the wall in the corner; the white table where a syringe rested beside a glass of water; the faster beeping ECG and then they focused on his own, darker blue, eyes with an obvious question: _'What are you doing here?'_

'_I was worried about you.' _he thought but said instead: "I have nowhere else to be."

'_What happened?' _the questions continued. He didn't need to hear them; he knew those eyes better than he knew himself.

"Your car was sabotaged."

'_I remember… I… Did I…'_

"No, you were the only victim." he felt the waves of relief as they hit him before the blue orbs turned towards the ceiling. For the first time in his life he felt the need to not be in silence, the need to speak and to give those eyes a reason to keep focused on him. He had no words.

The sun continued shining on the tile floor; the machines continued beeping, though he could no longer hear them, and the glass of water continued accumulating dust. He should get a new glass, fresh water. It was a good excuse to leave. He stood up, ignoring the old glass, and walked to the door.

"Heero."

He froze, hand on the doorknob. The other's eyes had not followed him as he had expected, instead they remained fixed to the white ceiling. He turned around, if something had to be said that was as good a moment as any. They didn't have any loose ends as far as he could remember, so it must not be something unpleasant that they had to discuss.

"You said you had nowhere else to be." There they were, his own words used against him. He should've known.

"I don't. I was going to get another glass of water." he was lying and that more than anything made him feel guilty enough to walk back to the chair and resume his seat.

"These last five years… Where have you been?" it wasn't an attempt at starting a conversation, it was merely curiosity. They needed no cheap talk between them.

"I moved here, bought a flat and started taking small jobs here and there." he added a shrug to all that, his life hadn't been as exciting as one would expect of a former gundam pilot.

"I refused to take my father's place as CEO… My second eldest sister took the position and I've been working for her ever since, traveling around as an intermediary." the other offered unasked. They had finally acquired boring common lives, something they had all dreamed of during the wars but now could not bring themselves to truly like. "So my sister phoned you after the accident, because you were the one closest, and sent you here to look after me until someone else could come. Am I right?"

"Actually it was Duo who phoned me." it was hard to admit it really had been like that, but it was even harder to admit he had been genuinely concerned.

"He knew you lived here? I thought you didn't want anyone to know…" he thought he had heard something akin to disappointment in those words. He was probably mistaken.

"I didn't. We met by sheer chance a couple years ago."

"And carelessness." those eyes were smiling at him as they read his mind, uncovered his secrets.

"On my part, yes." he should've felt uncomfortable, angry even but he could only smile, it had been so long since he had last seen genuine happiness in the other's features…

"I'm tired of lying around…" in a matter of seconds the sheets had been pushed away and two thin white legs were dangling over the side of the bed.

"Quatre…"

"I know I shouldn't, and you know I don't care."

He helped his friend off the bed keeping a steadying hand on his arm as they made their way out of the room and down the corridor past wheel chairs, stretchers and IV stands. Quatre's assigned nurse came out of one bedroom just as they walked by, and he prepared himself for an endless tongue lashing. It never came. The nurse walked past them without as much as a nod, and they continued until they had reached a glass door.

"Where does this lead?"

"To the patio." After three days, he could honestly say that he knew that hospital better than his own flat.

"Can we go there? I miss the sunlight."

Shrugging, he opened the door. He had been to the patio countless times but he wasn't sure patients were allowed out there, if he had seen any before he hadn't really paid them attention.

The sun had hidden behind gray rain clouds but the whole atmosphere out there was a lot lighter than inside. His hand left the other's arm and he felt it was safe enough for him to step away for a while, to allow Quatre to recover his suddenly lost independence. He hated the feeling of loss that invaded him as he reached the railing and leaned heavily against it. Had he ever been wanted? Needed? No, he had not. At that moment, though, holding his friend's arm, he had felt needed and he realized that that feeling was addictive.

"I didn't know you smoke." Quatre was at his side again, watching quietly as he placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it.

"It hasn't been long." he tried hard to remember what exactly had made him buy the first pack. A series of factors combined he supposed, but loneliness on top of them all. For years he had tried to convince himself that he didn't need anyone and he was right, his survival did not depend on the presence of another but his happiness did, and so did his sanity.

"Since when?"

"Since I stopped having sex, I guess." it was no joke but it made them laugh.

"And when was that?" the question came with a smirk.

"Five years ago." he thanked the smoke for hiding the bitterness of his smile, not that those light blue eyes couldn't notice it.

"I'm sorry, Heero. We were all so sure things would work out between Relena and you that we ended up distancing ourselves from you both."

"You need not explain yourself to me, Quatre. It was my own fault." he knew what the next question would be so he took one final drag of the cigarette and started: "For one week, after I left the hospital, it worked out perfectly. I even thought she was _the one_."

"What happened?"

"We fought." it was a superficial answer but he hoped that, for once, it was enough.

"Hm…" was all he got as a reply, no questions as to the reason why, but still Quatre looked far more thoughtful than he would've liked. He had to change the subject fast.

"What about you and…" he regretted his choice of a subject as soon as the words had left his mouth and he had realized he would finally have to acknowledge the real reason why he had run away. "Trowa?"

"Oh, that…" instead of sadness or anger those blue eyes portrayed that nostalgic fondness one has for past happy memories. "We had very different ambitions so, when our relationship became an insuperable obstacle, we decided to part ways."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you loved each other."

"Sometimes I think it was not love only a very deep friendship twisted by our desperate need of love and proximity." a casual shrug followed by an embarrassed chuckle ended that little speech.

Heero looked away, ashamed. For a long time he had hoped, deep inside, that they would break up. Now that it had happened, he felt nothing but guilt. What a horrible human being he was… First, denying his own feelings; then getting angry at Relena when he had learned of his friends' involvement and running away from reality, from himself and all those painful emotions surging within him.

"You're tired." Quatre's voice startled him.

"I'm not."

"How many days have you spent here, without sleeping or eating properly?"

He snorted, as much as he appreciated the other's concern, he wasn't used to it and it bothered him somehow. "You are the one who should be back to bed." his stubbornness only made his friend smile. In an unspoken agreement they made their way back inside.

The corridor was extremely cold and the artificial lights seemed to only make it even more so. He allowed Quatre to lean against him for support, ignoring the dirty images his accumulated hormones created. They arrived at the bedroom before anything more embarrassing could happen and, without realizing it, they were back to the very same positions they had been occupying when that day had started.

"Heero…" the moment their eyes met he knew what was coming. "Why didn't you find someone else? I mean, I know you loved Relena but to be alone for five years…"

"There is someone else, Quatre. There has been for a very long time…"

"Wh—"

"It doesn't matter."

"But is it anyone I know?"

"Yeah, you could say that." he wasn't lying anymore though he didn't want Quatre to know… His weakness…

"I need a shower."

"You'll be okay by yourself? Do you want me to call the nurse?" his eagerness betrayed him for, as much as he wanted to sound concerned, he was obviously afraid that his friend might want him to help. He had no idea what he would do then.

"I'll be fine, Heero. Really…"

When the white door finally separated them he exhaled the deepest breath he remembered ever having held, his tense muscles burned with pain as he finally relaxed, massaging his temples. He could already feel the beginning of a headache.

The ECG had been turned off, he noticed, and the glass of water was no longer there, in its place he could see now lying a short note, probably the name of someone who had called while they were away, he didn't bother checking. His eyelids were growing heavy; it seemed being around an awake Quatre for an hour was more tiring than watching him sleep for three days and two nights. He closed his eyes, he could still hear the shower running.

Not five minutes later, he woke up to the smell of soap and the touch of moist lips against his dry ones. He had been discovered, but he did not panic, he did not move, he simply stared into those blue eyes not acknowledging the real meaning of what had happened or what was happening.

"You think this chair can stand us both?" the question wasn't for him. Quatre didn't want an answer, he just wanted to let Heero know that he was going to borrow his lap for a while. He wasn't heavy, being hospitalized usually made one lose some weight. His head rested on Heero's shoulder as he whispered: "Sleep. This is just how things should have been from the very start. There is nothing to discuss." He closed his eyes willing himself to sleep.


End file.
